Sleep Training Babies: How I sleep trained my 3 boys (and my top 5 tips)
Just about 7 years ago I was a first time mom to a sweet little boy. He had been a dream baby. Slept well from the first night, rarely cried, ate like a champ (despite also being quite the puker), and smiled constantly. I was nailing it as a mom. What? Like it’s hard? Then the 4 month sleep regression hit. I had no idea that sleep regressions were even a thing much less how to handle one! Thus I started on my journey of figuring out how to get mine and his sleep back on track and learned all about sleep training babies. I spent hours researching and learning how to do this and what I learned worked! I hope my experiences can encourage you and some of my tips might help you along the way!
My First Step in Learning about Sleep Training
I started with learning about “wake windows” and that there were optimal amounts of time for babies to stay awake between naps. That they should take a certain number of naps a day at certain ages. I learned babies can learn to independently fall asleep and stay asleep and why that’s important. I dove into the multiple methods of sleep training (which I will discuss below) and why everything I had been doing before was no longer working for my “perfect” baby. You can click here for my wake window and nap schedules!
At this time, my oldest was sleeping in a rocking bassinet by my bed and was nearing 5 months old. He just needed his own space. As a first time mom and with much more patience then, than I have now, I chose a nice gentle method to moving him to his own room and a crib. Since he had been sleeping in a moving object I bought a vibrating wedge that fit right under his crib mattress and began the transition during his naps. He would be fed and rocked until he was super drowsy and would be transferred to the vibrating crib. He would typically sleep about 45-48 minutes and would pop awake crying. I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t sleep the normal two or more hours he had been. I was watching his awake time but it didn’t make him sleep any longer.
Why the 4 Month Sleep Regression Happens
This is when I researched that this was because at right around 4 months of age babies switch from a two sleep cycle, light sleep and deep sleep, to a four sleep cycle, like adults. These sleep cycles are about 45-50 min and we all (yes, even you!) wake briefly after every cycle before going back to sleep. Hence the mid nap and all night wakings that had started. I learned that whatever he needed to fall asleep was what he would need to stay asleep. If the environment was at all different from when he fell asleep he would jar awake at the switch of his cycle. Think of it like this, you fall asleep in your bed like you do every night but at some point you wake up and you are on your kitchen floor. You probably would not just roll over and go back to sleep. You would most likely jump up, scream, and try to rack your brain on how you possibly could have gone from your bed to the kitchen without knowing. It’s kind of the same for babies. If they needed to be rocked, bounced, nursed, jiggled, patted, and paci in place to fall asleep, as soon as they transition cycles they will need all of those things to go back to sleep. Ok, that was a bunny trail, which I’m really good at jumping on, but let’s get back to the story.
The Method I used to Sleep Train my Oldest
I now realized I needed him to fall asleep completely on his own if I wanted him to stay asleep completely on his own. I had really only heard of the cry it out method and decided that I would give it a try for one night just to see. I layed him down for bed after our nightime routine and walked out. He was quiet for a few minutes but then began to cry and I could hardly take it. I let him cry for five minutes and went back in to talk to him. I said things like “mom is here, I love you, it’s time to sleep, I’ll see you in the morning.” I walked out again and he fussed a little more for about 10 minutes when I repeated the same check in. I walked out for the third time and he fell asleep. From that point forward he was sleep trained, he independently went to sleep, slept mutiple hours and woke up happy everytime. Boom, I was back to being an amazing mother with a perfect child and I had figured it out. Cue the sarcasm, haha!
The Method I used for our Middle
Twenty months later my second son was born and I got humbled, real quick. He was a terrible sleeper from the day he was born. I remember in the hospital my sweet husband walked back and forth in our room bouncing him for more than two hours so I could get some sleep. Nothing that I knew from before was working. I just kept thinking “if I can get him to four months we can sleep train and all will be right in the world.” This is when the ominous narrartor voice comes on to say “This was not true, all would not be right in the world.” He did not sleep train the same way my first did and I became a crazy person. I was tracking his wake windows to the second. Making sure he was eating right at every three hours no matter what. Missing out on events and gatherings to be home so he could be in his own sleep environment. For weeks I would do the check ins every 10 to 15 minutes and he would just get more and more agitated. This is when I learned about the extinction method and I tried it out of desperation. That’s when it clicked for him. Every time I would come and leave it would just rile him up again. It was still a few hard weeks but he was finally taking naps and sleeping long stretches at night. At about 9 months slept completely through the night. That little guy is five now and the best sleeper in our house!
The Benefits and Facts about Sleep Training
I was hooked on learning everything I could about sleep training babies and helping my friends get the sleep they needed. Not to mention time for themselves or time with their spouse. I felt informed and passionate about something for the first time in a long time. I could not stop researching more and more about the benefits. Many articles have been done by high level universities and scientists that disprove so many myths about sleep training. Including that it creates attachment disorders. There was research done by the AAP that discusses mothers with sleep trained babies reported lower depression rates that you can read here. There is also research around the benefits long term of kids who were sleep trained. Including: better cognitive development, better immune function, lower anxiety and depression in adolescence and teen years, and many others.
Our Big Surprise
We thought our little family was complete. We were all sleeping through the night. They were almost out of diapers. We sold all our baby stuff. Cue the narrarator again where he says “This was a mistake. They should not have sold their baby things.” About one month later, I found out we were expecting baby number three and that HE would be joining our family in 2023. My oldest would be 4 and my second would be 2. I was shocked. THREE boys?! How was I going to do that?! I am 7, 5, and 3 years in to this parenting thing and I still don’t have that figured out, but we are making it happen one day and method at a time.
The Method I used for our Youngest
Our youngest was born just after the holidays and was the sweetest most even tempered little guy. I was so nervous to have another baby who potentially would not be a great sleeper, but I was so thankful to have the confidence of a few years of motherhood under my belt. I knew I had survived it before and could do it again. I also knew all the things I would do differently this time around. His sleep training journey ended up somewhere in the middle of the first two. I tried to tell myself the things I wish I could have or would have said with my second. These are a few of them; follow their lead a little more, control the things you can and let go the things you can’t. Just because they are doing x,y, or z does not mean you are a bad mom or failing them. We tried and tweaked things here and there and within a week he was sleeping through the night. Not quite the one night it took with my first (which was a unicorn) and the months it took with my second. These foundations have benefited our lives in so many ways. We can go on a date night and anybody can put our kids to bed because they can fall asleep on their own. We can take short trips away and our parents don’t mind having them over night because they know they will still get sleep. My husband and I have time every night to unwind and connect and talk about all the necessary business. We can spend time together without interruption. Most of the time anyway!
My Closing Thoughts,
There are many regressions throughout the early years and then of course nightmares and the scarries as they get older. The foundation is there though and we always fall back into a rhythm of sleep. All kids are different and you know your baby better than anybody else. However, I know there is a method that can suit you and your family and I truly believe anyone can benefit from some form of sleep training. If you’d like to learn more about the methods and a step by step guide you can reach out to me via email on my contact page.
Finally, I know it took a long time to get here but here are.
My top 5 tips when starting sleep training:
- Wait until they are 4 months or 16 weeks
- Learn appropriate awake time for their age
- Get a sound machine and a dark ish environment (I linked some of my favorite tools)
- Choose your method and stay consistent (Cry it out, extinction, chair, or somewhere in between)
- Get support when you need it and know this will be truly life changing for you and your child!
